I want a boyfriend who

This is a typical post of things I look for in a guy. Like he doesn't have to have all of it, but please some of it.

1) smells good (mainstream)
2) has tattoos/piercings (you can't tell me this isn't attractive)
3) has fangs (yeah yeah i know... but i still like vampires fuck you)
4) can cook
5) is creative & spontaneous
6) is a bit artsy (graffiti, paintings, drawings, comics, music, writing, anything really)
7) prefers sushi rather than burek/cevape or any fast food thing (i just want to meet a person who can relate to me)
8) British accent hehehe
9) can't pronounce the letter R (that's cute)
10) dresses well so i can steal his clothes
11) is funny (we're like halfway there if you're funny)
12) has a deep voice
13) doesn't hate on Kardashians
14) can rap the whole Niggas in Paris
15) likes the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower and The Dead Poets Society
16) is liberal
17) smokes (SORRY!!!! it's just attractive)
18) is a good story teller
19) buys us a teen magazine so we can make fun of it
20) has a good camera on his phone so i can take pictures for Instagram
21) reads so i can borrow his books, discuss them and so that he has good vocabulary
22) likes Lana del Rey/Arctic Monkeys/The Weeknd ?????
23) or Nicki Minaj/Lil Wayne/Drake/Kanye West
24) makes great playlists, remix and stuff if he's into it (look at no. 6)
25) has nice teeth & breath
26) is honest god damn it
27) has tumblr and follows me
28) gives good advice and has patience (since I'm late very often and shit)

And that's why my crushes are just fictional